Weighty Issues
I found an interesting video with some new ab moves I had never seen before, which I planned to post here (and will - it’s below.) But then I also found another video which makes me sad, because I relate to this talk show host all too well (in terms of her daily battle over what to eat.)
I have often mentioned I have gained weight since moving to Kansas from not working out and eating totally differently than I did when single in Texas. So for several months now I have been working out, eating tons better, being more rigorous, cutting out things, running, etc. And I think I have lost a whopping two pounds or something like that. On a bad day, this drives me INSANE. I am the kind of person who MUST get positive feedback or results or I want to give up. Yet obviously, getting back in shape at 44 is different than it was when I was 40 or younger, or maybe I am cursed or something. On a bad day it feels like it.
Most days, I know I have to keep trying, keep doing the right things, and I scold myself internally for forgetting I had banned tortilla chips from my person and eating them when out with people at a restaurant. This is just a never, ever ending battle. What gets to me, watching Wendy Williams here, is when she says “I wake up every morning and think about what I have to dodge that day, what am I going to eat…” (that won’t harm my efforts.) I do that too. Every bloody day. It is so old.
I get so tired of this being my main focus in life: my own self and what I am going to eat or do that day to burn off what I eat. I have been maintaining, on fewer calories than some people eat normally - my average is about 1350. I need to get it down to 1200, or even 1000 to break this plateau, but can I do that and account for going out somewhere to something I am obligated to, or needing to work all day because I am behind… these are the thoughts on my mind at all times. Can I eat oatmeal? All I have is instant at the office and it has sugar, but I am tired of the scrambled egg in microwave and on the other hand oatmeal is supposedly good for you. Can I eat this tv dinner with pasta in it and some freshly streamed veggies or is that too heinous? Yes, I know it’s loaded with sodium but I don’t have time to cook and take food to work always and it’s low calorie and convenient, and in the freezer at work. Should I eat only salad for lunch? Lots of celebs eat salads but as many eat wraps or a turkey sandwich… do I really have to cut out all bread? Should I only eat tortillas? Why do I feel poufy when I don’t seem to have gained? Is it the margarita I had last night? I should really cut out all alcohol, all bread except for tortillas and tortilla chips for the foreseeable future. But the bread I have been eating is 100 calorie, whole wheat - why isn’t that okay? Maybe I should just give up and try to find time to exercise more. But I can’t - I always want to and I miss the second or third round of exercise I have planned because of stupid work. Why did I not have the foresight to become independently wealthy or marry someone who is so I could play tennis and shop all day, which would in itself burn calories?
AGGGGGHHH. STOP. SHUT UP & GET READY FOR WORK!!!!!!
Everyday, this is the running dialogue. I am so tired of it. I feel for Wendy Williams and what she experiences because I do too. I see this woman with her 12-pack of insane abs and think, “Wow. She scares me a bit, but I admire her dedication to rock hard fitness and perfection.” And then I have to get back to work. How am I EVER going to have the time I need to work on myself AND do my work???? It’s just so hard.
But I will keep on slugging away at it. I feel better when I work out. Lately I like the running, though I NEVER thought I would. I do feel better when I eat a certain way (Body for Life.) And I want to be ever cuter in cute clothes. I am a clotheshorse and that’s all there is to it. So maybe this Ab Lady will help.
I am starting a new boot camp today as my old one ended evening classes this week. I’m excited - it is four blocks from my office and they love kettlebells - I have always wanted to do more with kettlebells. This man below is one of the instructors.
He seems SO cool. Thank heaven, for inspiration to keep doing what I know I need to be doing, even though I sometimes feel discouraged because I want faster, more obvious gratification.
This is just how my day goes - the ups and the downs of being me. :-)
